Wow so much as happened in such a short amount of time that I was going to break these up but I am not sure I have time or even the energy. So the hardest and first so far came and went, along with watching all the memories Shawn and I made together get boxed up and put in storage for now. You see 15 years ago on the 23 of June I made a decision for me. Something I didn't do often after I became a mom, I found it was hard to think about things outside of how the choices I would make would or wouldn't effect them. However this decision was about me first and them second. I came to a cross roads in my life, at that time I think the biggest one I had come to. I decided to take the one that had me taking the boys and leaving Curt, and starting a new life with Shawn. No we hadn't worked out all the kinks. I wasn't ready to go move half the country away, he was still figuring out what he was doing with his next duty station, so we spent time getting to know each other. So you ask how do I remember this day. It was the first time we where able to look at each other face to face and see all the promises in each others eyes and see the future ahead, and for the first time tell each other that we loved each other and know that it was real.
All the other firsts have sucked but this one made me realize how much my world changed because of this amazing man. I also have done a lot of thinking a processing since we have packed up the house and I don't have all the memories around me reminding me of him everywhere I turn. Sometimes it makes it easier, it makes me think back to that amazing man I married. The one who would take the jacket off his back for anyone even if he froze. The one who loved helping teach a soldier even if he wasn't always the nicest about it, but he made sure that he only had to train them once. The one who loved in parting his knowledge of all things on those who would listen. I know I am not jaded when it comes to him that he had become a different person in the end, but I know he had so many amazing qualities which made him some amazing friends.
I am blessed with the opportunity to get to be in touch still with those friends, and get to meet yet another from a unit that touched his life in a positive way. For those things I am glad I chose that path and to this day I am still glad I went that way. Lumps, bumps, bruises, tears, laughs, and crazy medic parties. I have never looked back and said wow what if.
Enough on that. So we finally got a house. We are now about 5 hours depending on traffic from Central Oregon thanks to amazing people and even more amazing friends (well extending family) Remember dna doesn't make family. Still trying to get to see everyone, and hopefully we can get stuff worked out with the movers, which I don't want to get into to much detail about because we are having a few issues with, but when I do we are having a huge party. Well at least attempting to. I know a lot of people have been excited to see me, see how I am doing, how my kids have grown, and that I am as strong as I say I am. Mind you I may disappear for parts of the party just to collect myself because I am still not whole enough to be the best hostess, but I assure you the kids and the boyfriend only bite when provoked.
I have already experience some great hospitality up here and even though we live out in Podunk no where I feel like it enough like central Oregon, (minus my full range of Cascades) I still get Mount Rainier which cheers me up on those really down days.
The hardest part so far is I miss my crazy 19 year old. The house a little less bossy (not much mind you) the 13 year old is so her father's daughter. However license in hand we left him again. So I think I may finally have one out of the nest. I even managed to get through some old Tacoma traditions of going to Emerald Downs to watch the Fireworks spectacular, and even tried to do an annual fourth of July party.
And well the lesson I learned this week is that when people sit back and judge you, and bash at your self esteem without know the facts, without even understanding the facts. That they think you are a horrible person because of what others say, it is just stupid gossip, and if they want to play into that gossip, and not realize the hurt you went through to make others happy because you loved and cared about them so much you would have done anything for them, then they are stupid and what they think about you isn't worth your time.
